To whoever still reads this thing, I am just full of apologies really. Ever since school started in August, as you can see, the post count has gone down quite dramatically. And I'm beginning to think that there's really no hope of this situation really getting any better (especially since Step I is in April for me and then I start clinical rotations 2 weeks afterwards). I am rarely on fb now and I can't remember the last time I gchatted anyone.
So, I think it might be time to say goodbye to this blog? I really don't know how people will get a hold of me but I know that in reality, that's not the issue. The issue is do I WANT people to get ahold of me and how do I let them in when they are so far away and everyone is so busy (myself included)? I have to say that this year has been a difficult up and down year.
Praises: Good church fellowship (found a good sunday school class finally and I love the class and the people in it!), good med school friends that I'm really becoming close with, med school grades are still OK, my parents got me a new car for christmas (b/c we sold my car to a student at church that needed it), grandpa was able to get his halo surgically removed (b/c the spine had healed enough) so now he is in recovery in a nursing facility, a friend from undergrad was able to visit me in Memphis (which I greatly enjoyed), got to learn some basic ballroom dancing steps,
Struggles: living with a roommate has been difficult to adjust to, Step I looming on the horizon dampens the outlook of everything, juggling priorities and trying to not lose myself and lose track of God in med school
It's nice that there are more praises than struggles. And yet, when I evaluate where I am right now, spiritually and mentally, those struggles have taken more out of me than I ever expected them to. I suppose I underestimated them and got ambushed by them this year. It's been a different adjustment every year. Life is going by so so fast right now. I feel as if I don't really even have time to breathe. I don't really even know how I've spent my time in the past 5 months except. I feel like for the past 5 months I've just been trying to survive and make it out of this year alive and sane. Hence why my life has really been pared down to the basic human necessities: eating, sleeping, studying, going to church, quiet times, cleaning, going to class, and once in awhile (to stay sane), calling my parents or try to be social by hanging out with friends. I have to say, the strategy is working in that I'm alive. But I feel like a big part of me is dead or gone. It's an interesting feeling and situation that I find myself in at the end of the year. I almost have a desire to try to live differently this next semester but then I don't really know how. May God be merciful and show me how.
Well, as far as the frequency of the posts, I'd take one every six months over zero. I think everyone understands that you are in med school and can't post often. So if you want to keep posting, then you should do it because no one minds infrequent posts ;-).
ReplyDeleteAs for being stuck in survival mode, I probably don't have much to say since I haven't been in med school. I'll certainly pray for you. But I think maybe a better way to think about it is that this is only temporary and a part of med school. As you learn how to live in survival mode you may find more time to do more than just survive (albeit the time will still not be frequent enough?).
And keep your eye on the prize! When you are done, you will have the skills necessary to bring much needed healing into this world. Keep on fighting, you can do it! =) =) =)
I'm glad to hear about the praises, those are good indeed. And what kind of car did you get??? You should post pictures (or maybe I should check facebook? I am so bad w/ facebook...).
I agree with Mike. Once in a while updates is better than nothing =). And I know what you mean with the Medical School stuff. It's really survival mode 95% of the time. For the other 5% of the time when you are free, you don't know what to do with yourself since it's such a strange feeling. I don't know what else to stay except to stay in community as best as you can, focusing on convenient sources of community (local church, med school friends, etc) even if you value other relationships more highly. Don't set unrealistically high expectations, or you will just end up feeling bad. Be present and available when you are able. Your friends will understand. Glad to hear all of the praises! And as you prepare to enter Step I studying mode, make sure you pick a place to study where you will feel the least stress/pressure/obligations. It might be at your parent's house. It might not. I chose to stay in Cleveland in my apartment because I knew that realistically I wouldn't get any studying done at home. And as for 3rd year, it'll get busier, unfortunately, but you might actually like it more than 2nd year, since your busyness has to do with patient care and learning clinical medicine instead of books and exams. It's closer to why you got into medicine in the first place. I found it refreshing after 2nd year. Light at the end of the tunnel? 4th year!
ReplyDeleteYou've already made it this far. We believe in you! Bindu and I will pray for you as you finish out this year and transition into boards mode.
Thanks for the support and comments you guys.
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate the prayers and support. Let me know (whether by email, phone, or whatever) how I can pray for you guys too :).
Oh and Mike, I got a Mazda3. I'll post pics just for you :).