After fb-stalking some of my cousins over in Cali (haven't talked to any of them in who knows how long), there's a feeling of nostalgia tinged with longing and guilt. Sometimes I feel like life is not only passing me by but that I'm missing all the important things in life. I missed my cousin's wedding. I still haven't seen my first niece. A bunch of them are going to graduate next year from high school or college and it feels like just yesterday that I saw them transition into high school or college. I don't even know what we would talk about if we saw each other because I've been so out of the loop.
Relationships. That's what life is all about. That's what maturity is about - how to handle relationships and handle them well. I'm about to be 25 and I still suck at relationships. Sad fact: My phone can go weeks without ringing (all the texts I get are almost 95% school related and the calls I do get are from my mom). I'm not revealing this fact to victimize myself. It's sad because the fact that I don't call anyone or make the effort to call others and stay in touch has come back to bite me. Big time. So the isolation I suffer from is a result of my own doing (not just the phone, but email, blogs, buzz, twitter, fb...I'm rarely on or not on at all). And now it's too serious and too late for excuses and cliches. I have to do something about this....
A wise person once tried to teach me this important skill in life when I was a sophomore in college. I foolishly threw it back at him. I regret it now....
A few thoughts in response:
ReplyDelete1) I don't think you suck at relationships. Not to take away from areas that God may be pointing to for you to invest or areas that you ought to take steps of faith. But I can attest that you are a good friend who has developed deep, meaningful relationships with several individuals.
2) I will pray for you that God will provide for your relational needs. Don't despair and don't be too hard on yourself. Med school is NOT an easy place to foster strong relationships. You are busy, everyone else is busy, and many people aren't interested in building friendships (or so I have heard). And long distance relationships are HARD. But I believe God is powerful enough to provide for your needs as you cry out to Him and take steps of obedience.
Hang in there! I really do think God is pleased with your hard work and sacrifice during these years in Med School.