You know what, I don't believe that everyone gets to have that one special person in life. Ha, if everyone did, divorce rates wouldn't be like they are now would they. Sure, soulmates exist but not everyone is lucky and blessed enough to have one in life. What I mean by soulmates is someone you end up married to for 50-70years....truly until death do you part. And you definitely don't find out if you're someone's soulmate immediately. That's laughable as well if you did. Life is not Hollywood and people nowadays (me included) have "entitlement syndrome". We think we "deserve" someone special. Really?... Kinda goes along with that graduation speech that was popular on youtube for awhile. I'll face the facts and the music. I'm not special or deserving of anyone special. I'm an ordinary girl just trying to live life the best way I know how. I am like everybody else. And from what I can tell with divorce rates, people think they're special and that nobody is special enough for them. And they're always waiting for "the one". How about this? Soulmates are special. And by that, I mean, they're like excellent quality diamonds - they're rare. So don't expect to find your soulmate. Only time, love and trials will tell if someone is. I really like this quote from a scrubs episode by Dr. Cox:
"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway... Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time - if it's right. And if they're real lucky one of them will say something."
We wouldn't use adjectives and phrases like "special", "blessing", "once in a lifetime", etc. to describe soulmates and love if it was that easy or that common of an event. It's not any of my physical or emotional faults, anything I did wrong, or the way I chose to live my life. No what ifs or buts. That's just how life is. It's unfair. I may find someone special. I may not. It's ok. I will continue to be just an ordinary girl trying to live my life the best way I know how.
The idea of a soulmate comes from an ancient Greek belief that humans have only half a soul, and in order to be whole, one needs to search out the other half of their soul that they were separated from some time in the remote past. It's an idea with pagan roots and have no basis in biblical Christianity. Yet it's not uncommon to talk about soulmates in Christian circles, particularly in certain popular Christian literature about dating and relationships. It goes to show how easily pagan ideas in our culture can infiltrate popular Christianity. I think it's particularly unhelpful because it sets up unrealistic expectations, which is always a set up for failure. They are no such thing as soulmates, who will made us whole. We are each made with independent human souls, which are incomplete because we lack Christ who is our lifesource. And so we can only find wholeness in Christ. A Christian marriage is not based on being soulmates. It's based on mutual faithfulness, commitment, forgiveness, and love. It's a conscious decision to work hard at the relationship together. The initial mysterious attraction may be sticky enough to bring two people together, but it's not strong enough glue to hold them together through trials if those other elements are not there.
ReplyDeleteAll of us are plain old ordinary sinners. And all of us are precious children of God. And the people we end up marrying (if we marry) are that too -- ordinary, and special. It's a mystery. Part of God's plan for us is to transform us from the ordinary to the extraordinary, not base on our own abilities or merit. And part of marriage is to help each other move in that direction.
I hope that you will soon have the experience of meeting someone ordinary yet special, who knows that you are ordinary yet special too, that you can work together in love and commitment towards God who makes all things new.
I completely agree. In the end, I experience that tension as well between ordinary and special. But the other thing for me is that I give up the "search". It's amazing how much time people spend on searching for someone. My heart has just been broken (by my own doing) and my choice is to put that area completely out of my life. I don't want to have anything to do with it anymore. Our society is so obsessed with all of that. I'll choose to believe that God plans for me to not ever meet anyone because that is the norm. I have more important things to focus on and I'm tired of all of that. It's a blessing that if God chooses to give it, He will and I'll be thankful for that bonus. But I will not expect it to happen in my life any more. Because you're right. No one can complete me. I am complete by Jesus Christ. And because my searching and hoping does me no good. I think it's rare and I refuse to waste any more of my life and time waiting or searching for a rare diamond. There is a certain kind of freedom to be free of all that pressure.
ReplyDeleteHi Jess!
ReplyDeleteThis post reminds me of a conversation I had w/ Laura G. I think it was my junior year at Case and I think I was feeling similar to what it sounds like you are feeling (albeit for different reasons I suspect haha). So, I ended up talking to Laura about singleness wondering if I was doomed to die alone.
She agreed w/ me (and w/ you) that God doesn't give everyone a spouse and that we don't need one to be completely fulfilled. That, as Wayne put it, we aren't 1/2 a soul but a whole soul whose fulfillment is found in Christ alone.
But then she said something I'll never forget - "God gives good gifts to His children". She then challenged me on my view of God as a whole. Did I see Him as one who generously prepares good gifts for His children (e.g. a good spouse) which he takes pleasure in lavishing on them or is He one who is stingy and witholding... who gives but only occasionally and when we especially need it.
Laura's reminder, which I think actually was really just the gospel message contexualized to my situation, led me to come to a place to actually pray for a spouse.
Now, perhaps God will say no to that request knowing that a better gift is singleness (He has so far haha). Or perhaps He'll say yes and the messiness of life will still lead to divorce (just as many other good gifts have been damaged by the brokeness of this world).
But I truly am grateful that Laura had the insight to see that my statements weren't an exercise in theological accuracy but a deep cry of pain wondering if Jesus really was any good. And I'm glad she reminded me that He is good and prepares good things for His children. =)
Not sure if that totally relates to what you're saying. But I guess these are my own personal reflections on marriage at the moment. =)
Blessings!
Mike