Perhaps I should write? I don't know what I should write about though...
I never sound as wise as I would like...or as eloquent...or as poetic...or profound...or as intelligent
I guess I should write about how I feel...now that I'm finally in Cleveland.
First off, I'm slowly getting used to the cold. slowly =P (I feel like such a wimp. Tennessee made me that way =P)
Secondly, I'm on my own a lot and that's something that I did not anticipate...I guess it's possible to feel alone even though I'm in the same city as my friends...and yet, I still feel like a bit of an outsider or stranger to people's lives here. People themselves change and grow a lot in a year...people's relationships with other people grow and change a lot too and I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do in order to feel comfortable again. These aren't the people that I was once familiar with...of course, I still love them...but it's a little awkward sometimes I guess.
Thirdly, IV is another wierd thing in my life again. Wierd in the sense that I'm still semi-involved and yet not really. I'm in this wierd sort of limbo and I don't know what to do. Of course I would love to help and offer words of encouragement or advice and yet, I know that it's not really necessary....It's like I'm the appendix or something (if we use the human body as an analogy)...I'm an organ right now who's exact function is unknown and who's job can easily be done by another organ of the body. I also feel a bit ashamed or perhaps embarrassed (and it makes me think of Sheila's entry about embarrassment) that I'm still around IV...I'm an antique lol. Alumni usually don't come back...so what am I doing? And yet...I enjoy being around the students and the campus so much....Is that a bad thing? Should I have already let go and I'm just being stubborn? Or maybe it's the only time and place that I feel like some of my spiritual gifts get used the most and that's why I keep coming back?
So I guess, overall...you could say I'm a little out of place...being in Cleveland. And yet, God gave me the option...I had a choice. Home or Cleveland. I would still choose Cleveland...
aww yeah it takes a while to get used to things because not only are you back after being away for a year, but you're also back not as a student while some of the people still are so that could add to the strangeness of it all. but you never know what God could have in store for you!!
ReplyDeleteI guess that's the thing...sometimes I'm not quite that excited for what God has in store for me...
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should become a new organ.... more plainly, perhaps you should consider volunteer staff? This way, you escape the limbo of being alumni. I mean, obviously, you need to apply and get accepted. And maybe they might put you at a different school?? I don't know about that process at all. But if through the application process it seems that you should, then you have a 'non-limbo' role and also can be a blessing to the chapter. =)
ReplyDeleteAnd give your friendships some time. You've only been here a few weeks and there is always that adjustment time in any new place to feel like we fit. I feel that way at home after not visiting for a while. I mean, not to say that things aren't different - you're right a years time does yield a lot of change. But those changes aren't always bad or lead to growing apart. And you've changed a lot too.
And I am always up for hanging out! The alternative is watching Ken on his laptop hahahaha. But even if Ken wasn't boring, I'd be up for hanging out any night! =)
Jess, just wanted to emphasize what has already been said, give it some time. It always takes a little while to get back into the swing of things when you have been gone. Believe me, you will fit right in b/c everyone has missed you so much they will find a spot for you if they have to. I wish you all the best, and I know the Lord will bless your time there.
ReplyDeletewell, if you're an antique...what am i? a fossil? a throwback? haha...heck, i joined IV in august 1999 and still came to stuff every now and then until may 2007 when sheila graduated. sure, there were many times when i felt weird, but it always felt good to help out when i could by giving rides, helping people move, hosting people, providing advice when asked, etc.
ReplyDeleteyou've got a lot of gifts and talents, and if there are people in IV to whom the Lord is leading you who can be blessed by them, you shouldn't be embarrassed at all. and it's OK to love college life and college students--believe me, the working world is not all that it's cracked up to be, and for all of its faults and disadvantages, college life and college campuses offer many venues and opportunities for personal growth that are not available elsewhere. all of us have the rest of our lives to grow up and work and do the same things every day over and over again...make the most of it while you can!
to be truthful, i think that if more alumni were around to help disciple, mentor, guide, etc, IV chapters nationwide would be better off. people just sorta seem to graduate and disappear and while some get involved in home churches, some don't, and i really believe that young'uns could be blessed by meeting with them and just shooting the breeze about what's going on in life. i learned SO much from 4th and 5th year students when i was a freshman...sometimes age and experience provide wisdom that just can't be learned from books or received in classrooms. i always enjoyed meeting with michael helbling and the vandenberges when they were volunteer staff at case.
of course, you're always welcome over here! sheila and i always enjoy your company. don't be a stranger!
don't be so hard on the appendix! clearly you haven't kept up with the latest research. the appendix's function is now thought to be a culture for necessary gut-dwelling bacteria. in the event of acute illness (the types which the appendix could help with were more common in the past), the appendix appears to help repopulate the bacterial supply.
ReplyDeletei think that changes your analogy.
(poster's note: just the current theory. of course, more research is needed!)
i know exactly the feeling you are describing. that's how it felt when i returned after a year in Seattle. Transitions are always strange and hard -- they wouldn't be transitions otherwise. and I agree with Laura -- it's extra strange when you're not also in school. I don't have anything insightful to say -- just wanted to say that I definitely understand the feeling.
ReplyDeleteAnother transition coming up July/August, depending on where you go for medical school. That will be less strange, since you'll be in school again. Hopefully, you'll get to stay here!