Whenever I talk to my mom, it is an ordeal. We have so much miscommunication of feelings and such different personalities that it's extremely hard for me to have a non-stressful conversation on the phone with my mom. Why do I not want to call her every other day? Because it truly stresses me out and it's not something I want to do.
And maybe the grass is always greener on the other side, but I do envy Eric's relationship with his parents and how they reach decisions together prayerfully...He loves to talk with his parents and I wish I could say the same...
Then again, maybe I'm not submitting enough to my mom, honoring her and respecting her...Why do our phone calls always end up to be full of yelling matches, bad attitudes, and tears? Of course distance doesn't solve the issues that my mom and i have...and I guess I was sorta hoping it would. I'm not saying it's all her fault either...I'm sure I'm at fault as well. It's just I don't know what I'm doing wrong and how I can correct it...
She makes me cry and can I help that? Why does she make me cry?
So many questions and no answers...is my relationship with my mother doomed to be like this no matter how old I am?
And maybe this fuels my drive for becoming truly and wholly independent of my parents...but then it's like I want them out of my life which isn't what I want either...
Perhaps I need to forgive her for some things that she doesn't even know that she's done to me and she needs to forgive me for the things I've unknowingly or knowingly done as well...
I don't really have time to dwell on this or think about it...life and time is unmerciful in that aspect. I guess the best I can do is give it up to God...
If only the tears would stop flowing at that point....
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