Life is difficult these days. I'm not saying that to say that I, personally, am in a bad place. No...my hope and faith has never wavered because I know the One whom I believe.
II Tim 1:12 - "That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."
But just a couple of things that happened in the past few days...
- Orientation has been taxing just because it is the getting to know people process. It's been difficult too because I haven't really met a serious Christian either...Although I haven't met all 150 people yet but it's just kinda disappointing. Hopefully though, next week's CMDA events will allow me to meet some in my class...Being in the bible belt, everyone might say that they're a Christian if you ask them so it's finding the serious ones that's the difficult part. But, God is my hope.
- Been fighting everyday...if it weren't for my quiet times and my prayer times at night with God, I would be struggling harder and way more often than I have been. .Fighting the feeling that I have to change myself, have to prove myself...Fighting the feeling that I'm doing something wrong when I know, deep in my spirit, that I am just doing what Christ would want me to do. But also fighting to remain in the Spirit and stay humble and be careful not to cross the thin line into condemnation, judgment, and self-righteousness...which leads to isolation. Fighting the desire to just isolate myself and separate myself from my classmates.
- gave myself a chemical burn on my legs a day or two ago (that was just stupid and painful =P). I just have a lot of scars now so thank God for that.
Praises (and perhaps rather funny things as well):
- I have found a church though that I think I will stick with. It's non-denominational, diverse, missional and kingdom-focused, expository and biblically based, open to the works of the Holy Spirit, AND it's not too far (15 min.)...I couldn't have prayed for an even better fit for me. God definitely led me to that church. First Evangelical Church
- I am very excited now to start the academic aspect of med school. My favorite class will probably be Gross Anatomy class and lab (I know that probably sounds morbid and gross lol but it's true!). I got really excited listening to the Gross course director talk about the course today. I can't wait to discover God's ingenuity. I can't wait to discover how God made us =). I really experienced true excitement today. Praise God for that.
- I've only been through 3 days of orientation and already 2 of my Gross anatomy lab group want to see if they can fit me into a gross anatomy locker =P. AND I got identified by my size already. Wow...that must be a record. At least nobody is telling me that I'm "cute"...I hope people don't remember what I'm saying lol (and it doesn't mean cute as in pretty or attractive...it's like they're describing a puppy or something).
- I am totally a type A personality (as is eeevvvery single one of my classmates...it's actually almost a little annoying) when it comes to school lol...I'm realizing that more and more as this orientation progresses BUT God has been amazing with reassuring me and giving me the confidence, faith, and hope in His ability to get me through...so my fears, anxiety, and nervousness about school and people are taken away and only the excitement, joy, and anticipation is left. It's amazing. Sure I have made mistakes in the past few days (in every area) but thank God my future is not in my hands. It's in His.
- God has still been showing me the next step. I'm really interested in CIAO (The Council for International and Area Outreach) which is an organization (not Christian) here at UT-Memphis that allows for med students to outreach to the community and internationally. They partner with a lot of Christian organizations actually (Christian Community Clinic is one of them...a place where I REALLY am interested in helping out) and not only that, they fund med students for whatever project they want to pursue overseas. Awesome. I'm totally going to Africa. HIV. Malaria. I want to be there.
Jess - even though it seems like things have been challenging, it sounds like you're really enjoying yourself. finding a church, liking classes, organizations where you can serve overseas...praise God! it makes me so happy to hear that :) i look forward to hearing about everything God does in medical school and the experiences you have!!!
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