It seems (a little to my surprise actually) that some of you also endorse me calling this guy. Well, here are the reasons why I didn't call him and didn't want to call him (and still don't want to call him):
1) threw away the box and yes, I did THAT on purpose
2) Bad timing: I made a vow last weekend to God (I will not disclose duration of nor what that vow is). And I felt free after making that vow, and feel VERY strongly that I should not break it. That's why I just attribute this incident as a humorous incident.
3)I'm not attracted to just anyone anymore. Let me explain. One afternoon, during a break, my friends asked me to make a list of who I thought was cute in our class. I thought about it for a minute but then realized that I wouldn't have anyone on my list. I honestly wasn't attracted to anyone in my class. And I guess for me to be able to rate anybody "cute" has to come from an inward attraction (on my part) first. I was actually kinda surprised that I didn't find anyone cute (cause there are some guys in our class that have "good looks"...and I'm only making a generalization because of observing other girls' reactions to some of the guys in our class). But then I realized why I wasn't attracted to anyone in our class...honestly, it's not looks anymore. I have to be honest and say that it used to be. But over the years, that has gradually diminished and been eliminated. The ONLY thing that would attract my attention (and hence, I would consider a relationship) would be a radical love for God and a Christ-like disposition evident in his daily life. I'm not asking that he be perfect. All of us (though sinners) can love God so deeply, passionately, and radically that it changes the things you do and why and how you do them. I know that my love for God has done that. That's all I want. And THAT'S another reason why I no longer respond to these random pickups. I don't want shallow attraction (attraction by looks, or what have you)...I don't have time to invest in a curiosity, only to find out after 3 dates (I don't even want to give it 1 date) that he doesn't like who I actually am and I don't like who he actually is. Relationships take a lot of time (even if the relationship only lasts 3 weeks) Time is a commodity (not just in my life, but in everyone's lives). My time is God's time...and God's time (at least when I'm being a steward of it) should be invested in more important things (things that have an eternal significance) rather than trying, by my own power, to fulfill a desire of mine. It's not a bad desire but it's a desire that I've submitted fully and entirely under God's will. If I never get married or date ever again. So be it. I don't care. I just want (with my whole heart) to be able to be used to my fullest potential by God. And if I have to be single to do that, then I'll do it with great joy...for there are greater things that I look forward to in eternity to recompensate me.
Plus, if we're supposed to be in a relationship, God will let us meet again under different timing and better circumstances in which I have a chance to get to know him before I even consider the possibility. I fully trust in God to mediate all of that for me. After all, God knows me better than I know myself...
Here's an idea (that I've been toying with for quite awhile)...a quick and easy way for me to resolve any considerations of a relationship...Maybe I should make up a questionnaire that I hand out to every guy that tries to pick me up. It'll be short and sweet.
First question: Would you die for Christ?
Second question: If you answered no to the first question, then forget it.
I definitely feel you on the way you're looking at physical attraction... Really early on in high school, I decided I wasn't going to date based on appearances because it seemed like the rule that attractive guys were arrogant and rude! But my reasons for bypassing physical appearances became different.. certainly not as focused on Christ-likeness as yours, but I did realize that I needed a "personality-counter" - a personality that was similar enough for us to enjoy each others' company but different enough to push me to improve myself.. That on top of shared interests and convictions was key... I definitely don't regret not making appearances part of my "criteria" - Joe was definitely not my 'type', but now I couldn't be more physically attracted to him!
ReplyDeletedefinitely an interesting post. i think there's something to be said for physical attraction. there's at least got to be some in a relationship. i don't think you were saying that there shouldn't, but i just thought i'd throw that out there.
ReplyDeletein regards to your question - i wonder though - could anyone really answer your first question with a yes at all times? i'm not convinced. that's a rough question.
I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteActually, I agree with Stephanie on the last issue - even strong followers of Christ might admit that, when push comes to shove, the answer might be "no"... We can't be sure until the choice is actually presented, I guess. Saying "I want to reach that point of faith, but I still need to grow" might be a way of showing humility in his faith...?
ReplyDeleteTrue there are harsh implications for your answer to that question...but I don't agree that you can't say yes to my question at all times. I "die" everyday for Christ. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I can say "yes" to that question every time you ask me. I do not answer on my own power. God knows the Spirit in me and knows that my heart's greatest and deepest desire is to die for Him even though a lot of times my actions and words may not portray it. Life seasons come and go but that's all outward. Along with the unchanging nature of the Holy Spirit living within me, I am confident to say that my heart will never change and will always belong to Christ. I will always be His and He will always be mine. Above all, it is the heart attitude that counts. Just like David in Psalm 119 (and multiple other psalms) can say that he has kept his feet from every evil path (v. 101-102) - there are plenty of times when he declares himself righteous and having not strayed - he is relying on the fact that God knows his heart and the fact that he belongs to God and God belongs to him for eternity. That is fact unchangeable by any circumstance. If you were to ask any of the apostles that question after the Pentecost, I would bet that every time you asked that question, they would answer "yes". Although it's not something that only missionaries and pastors are called to. Every Christian is called to that (in that sense, every Christian is called to martyrdom but if you want to get into the spiritual gift of martyrdom, then I think we're talking about a specific death for Christ). The concept of death for Christ doesn't necessarily have to be physical (however, a fleshly death to yourself will ultimately lead to a physical death for Christ as well...I will die doing whatever Christ has called me to do for Him). But you won't die a physical death for Christ if you haven't died a fleshly death for him first. When the situation for a physical death for Christ presents itself, and you haven't made your decision beforehand, then you won't choose to die for Him physically at that time either. My heart is prepared to give up my life for Him. And if my family and friends really knew me and cared about me, they would understand. It is when we've made the decision to follow Him no matter what...the things that we are constantly declaring in our praise songs, and what we keep reading in the bible...taking up our cross and following our Savior, Jesus wanting ALL of us not just parts of us, to be submitted to Him and His will entirely, etc. In the end, if we truly want to follow Jesus Christ, our entire being and our entire lives will be demanded from us. There is no way around that. And that is not a loss. It is entirely a gain. Death for Christ is not a loss. It is a gain.
ReplyDeleteAbout the first question: I think that's a toughie as well. I think there is a tendency for me to say "of course," but mean it in a prideful way. ("Of course I would die, because I am that good of a follower of Christ.")
ReplyDeleteAbout the second question: That's just not a question.
whoa, whoa...jess, i don't think that any of us were trying to question your commitment to Christ and say that you should settle for someone who isn't 100% sold out for Christ or someone who doesn't place God #1 in their life, and i don't think anyone was saying that you don't make sacrifices for Him either.
ReplyDeletei think that some of the posters--and i share this view too--were simply trying to say that all of us are human and that while we may have great intentions to serve Christ, there are inevitably times in our lives in which we fail.
before i began dating, i made all sorts of vows and statements about how i would conduct myself in a dating relationship. at the time, i meant then 100% and i in fact told several people what i believed. unfortunately, when i had the opportunity to actually follow through with what i had planned on doing and believed that i would do, i didn't do so in all cases.
why is that? because i am a fallen, sinful person. so is every other human being on this Earth. God knows that while we may sincerely in our hearts be willing to die for Him on a variety of levels, we are "prone to wander", as the hymn says, and fail to do so in every situation. failing to "die" for Christ can be as simple as not speaking up when we see our classmates engaging in academic dishonesty and letting them do it because we don't want to speak up and have them think badly of us. if you would honestly speak up each and every time without fail and never once pass up an instance to "die" for Christ, that's admirable. but would you?
i mean, even in the Bible, Peter failed to "die" for Christ in the Gospels when the Roman guards asked if he knew Jesus. in spite of that, i hardly think that Peter is someone who wouldn't be good husband material and someone who is not worth emulating in our own walks with God.
it's good to have standards. believe me, i've seen some folks fall for the first person who winks in their general direction. but, at the same time, it's also important to realize that all of us are human and that we make mistakes. there are times when i fail to die to myself and put sheila first, and there are times that sheila fails to die to herself and put me first. why is that? it's not because we're unhappy or because we're not meant to be together. it's because we're sinners. thankfully, Christ provides us with the grace and forgiveness that we need in order to forgive each other and maintain a loving, God-centered marriage.
I think you misunderstand me and my comment, Joe. But that's ok.
ReplyDeleteJess, I interpreted your comment in the same way as Joe... Can you clarify in this forum or another (but you don't have to)? We certainly don't want to misunderstand you.
ReplyDeletewell, obviously it isn't "OK" given the rather tense tone of your comment. i didn't mean to offend you or put words in your mouth--i simply wrote back based on what i (and many others) believed your comment said.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to do post whatever you want. I welcome that. It's not that I'm offended. The tense tone (as you will see in the post after this) is from the fact that I'm extremely stressed right now and really don't have time to explain myself. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteOk. Who am I kidding. Even my last comment probably didn't come off as being less tense. Well, the thing is, I'm not. If anything, I'm just as tense, stressed, angry, and frustrated (not with anyone...more at myself and med school). Once I'm in this mode, it's hard to get out.
ReplyDeleteSo here's the deal. I have started a discussion I cannot finish at any moment in the near future which is a disservice to you guys (my readers). And I regret this but I cannot finish this discussion so forgive me for my bad judgment in posting my long (original) response to the comments. It has caused unnecessary confusion and miscommunication for which I do not have the time to solve right now. We will just have to leave this conversation as is and move on. I'm sorry. Perhaps I shall excuse myself from the blog world in the future to prevent future mishaps. I will write in my other journals.