II Sam 13 & 14 - Forgiveness

I was reading these 2 chapters in II Samuel yesterday and what stuck out to me was the process of forgiveness.

Just to give a short synopsis and background of what happens in these chapters: This was after David's affair with Bathsheba so the curse God put on David's family (II Samuel 12:10-12) is beginning to take shape. II Sam 13 - One of David's sons, Amnon rapes Tamar who is the sister of another of David's sons, Absalom. After that fact, Absalom murders Amnon and flees to Geshur for sanctuary. For 3 years, Absalom is in Geshur and though David mourns and longs for his son (v.37-39), he does not go after him or tell someone to bring him back. II Sam 14 - David's forgiveness process and Absalom's return to Jerusalem.

The key verse here is 14:13-14
"The woman said, "Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king [David] says this, does he not convict himself, for the king has not brought back his banished son [Absalom]? Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But this is not what God desires; rather he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him."
*TNIV translation, emphasis by me :)

Praise God for His infinite love and mercy! The value of His forgiveness is unfathomable sometimes. I was struck by this verse. The king sets an example of forgiveness for the kingdom and yet David was not setting the example. He was not forgiving his son. And it's not that he didn't want to. He really desired to. He probably wished that none of that had ever happened and that he could welcome Absalom with open arms.

So the story goes on: David agrees (after this woman speaks to him) to get someone to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem but he does not want to see him. Instead, David makes Absalom go to his own house and stay there. And the situation stayed like that for 2 years until finally, Absalom is fed up with that. He asks, "Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me if I were still there! Now then, I want to see the king's face, and if I am guilty of anything, let him put me to death" (14:32). It is only after that, that David summons his son and kisses him when he sees him.

Just like the woman said, when we have sinned, it is like water spilled on the ground that cannot be recovered and the penalty for that is death. Absalom's punishment should have been death or eternal banishment (for murder), like ours. And yet, God, the King, does not desire that we should be eternally banished from Him. Instead, out of His great love, He forgives. However, to God, it seems "easy" to fully and totally forgive. I mean, God can make nonchalant statements like, "as far as the east is from the west, so far [have I] removed [your] transgressions from [me]." (Psalms 103:12). And when God forgives. It's a one-time thing. He doesn't have to "work at it".

I can't make nonchalant statements and forgiveness, for me, is not a one-time say-the-magic-word type of deal. And in this story, I empathize with David. I mean, real, true forgiveness doesn't seem just, doesn't seem fair (to you or to others involved). It took David a total of 5 years after Amnon's murder to be able to accept seeing Absalom and give him a kiss. I would say that's about right. In my personal experience with real forgiveness, it took me 6 years to truly be able to forgive an event that happened in middle school. 5-6 years. Man, if God took that long, I would probably have died and paid sin's penalty by the time I was forgiven. But that's totally how it goes and you can see the process of forgiveness in II Sam 13-14.

The process of forgiveness:

Part 1 (II Sam 13): Even right after the event, the part of you that still loves, longs to love them, to see them, longs to forgive, no matter what they've done. And yet there's that other part of you, the part that's been wounded, hurt, hardened that forbids you to do so. So you are at a stand still and do nothing. That person is banished from you.

Part 2 (II Sam 14): But then, eventually, you reach a point (like David) when you can say with your mouth that you do not condemn them or hate them. I mean, you have to move on right? Eventually, in the long run, the love side wins out as the other part loses ground because the wounds and hurts are healing. And the person is allowed to come back to Jerusalem. However, like David, we can say it with our mouths that we do not condemn them, but it's still not full forgiveness yet. Our actions may speak differently. Sometimes things may suddenly surface that remind you that there are still parts that are not fully healed. Parts that still make their presence known when you try to make things go back to normal (14:23-24).

Part 3: Sooner or later, we will be confronted with that event of our past again. At that time, the verdict will be asked of us. If he/she is still guilty of anything, let them be put to death (14:32). After all this time, which do we choose now? And I would argue that it is only with the help of the Holy Spirit, that we as Christians are able to transition smoothly from Part 1 to 2 to 3 and then finally be able to choose as David chooses in v.33: We are able take the initiative and bridge the gap, and embrace them. It definitely takes supernatural intervention and healing to do so.

David's story shows just how hard our hearts are in regards to love, in regards to forgiveness (compared to God's heart and God's love). Perhaps that's how we know what a great miracle and blessing is God's gift of salvation which includes that thing that is so very hard for us to do: forgiveness.