Patience

There was something I was looking for in my future. But my future was so cloudy and uncertain in that area and I struggled greatly with that. I constantly asked God to just tell me and I'd be satisfied. Cause in my mind, then I wouldn't have the torture of having to struggle with not knowing.

God answered that prayer. However, now that I know...a new struggle has formed. That of fighting my impatience. Now that I know, I want that time to come now. NOW.

So then it hit me.

The fight and struggles will never be over. I struggle with uncertainty and I struggle with knowledge. So what's the use of knowing before the time comes? Right now, all I want is for time to go faster because I know! And then who knows what rash actions I might take because of my impatience! Who knows what kind of growth processes I would skip just because I want to get to the part that I want? It's like picking a fruit before it's ripe. I see it and I can picture what it looks like when it's ripe. I can't wait to eat it but no matter what, I can't pick it yet. It's too early. If I picked it, it wouldn't taste sweet rather it would leave a very bitter and sour taste in my mouth. No matter which struggle, it's all the same. It all comes back to the same thing whether you know or not. It's always one day at a time. You have to give yourself over to God every single day all over again. One day at a time. No looking back and no looking forward. Looking at Him and living each day, glorifying Him to the fullest extent.

I need patience Oh Lord. Patience to live this life.

And how interesting is it that patience is a fruit of the Spirit...