Out of my comfort zone

 It's been awhile but I did something yesterday that required me to process it through typing. So this isn't an update about my life or anything (that's pretty much the same old same old).

Recently, a close friend of mine had posted about going out of his comfort zone. Though I can say that many of the things he listed were totally in my comfort zone, it made me realize that I have not been truly out of my comfort zone in a long time. Sure, moving to Memphis where I didn't know anyone was a bit uncomfortable at first - finding a new church and sticking with it, making new friends and I'd say I didn't have the best attitude going into it. But that was almost 3 years ago. I've been in my comfort zone for quite awhile now.

Yesterday, I really went out of my comfort zone. I have a (white) friend who lives in a really bad part of Memphis for ministry purposes...and when I say bad, it's not just ordinary bad. It's an area where there are constant shootings, gangs, prostitutes, etc. hanging around. He told me him and his roommates hear about 2 shootings a week. Pretty intense. So he invited me to attend a church service last night, held at a church not too far from his house that was trying to reach out to the kids in the neighborhood. I didn't know what time the service was so when he told me it was at 6pm, I had to pretty much go straight from school, in my business attire, to the church. I wasn't the only non-black person there...there were maybe 6 white people there total. But I was definitely the only one in New York & Co dress pants, a nice top and a sweater.

It brought back memories of the Cleveland Urban Plunge, of Pastor Dorroh's church (this church was in a very similar building)....It's been too long since then so I can't remember how awkward I felt back then. To be completely honest in this post, yesterday was the most out of place I have felt in a really really long time. It wasn't even in the vicinity of the word "uncomfortable", like how I was uncomfortable on my first day at a new school. The only way to describe it is that I was just not in my comfort zone. I felt like I was in a whole other world. And yet, this place was only about 10min from where I lived! It was overwhelming trying to take it all in...to love the kids but also experience some sadness that there was no love in their life and therefore no discipline. So they did what they wanted to because they didn't know better. And yet I could see that deep in their soul and hearts, they still harbored dreams...dreams of becoming a dancer, of becoming a police officer, of going to college, of becoming a lawyer. Dreams of goodness, love, and joy even though they saw no evidence of it in their lives...they want it so badly they they gravitate to any new person that comes in (and from an outsider's perspective, probably seems as if they're taking advantage of the new people), each one vying for your affections and deep down, they all want the same thing: love

When I first got to the church, there were black people and kids milling about outside, lot of them playing basketball, some just running around, some talking. The first question my friend asks me is, "Are you scared?" Without hesitation, I said, "No." It wasn't what I expected (I certainly wasn't prepared for it) and I'd never been in a neighborhood that bad before but for a reason unknown to me, I wasn't scared. Later on, I got to meet 2 kids, one whom they call Lil' Baby and another called Boo man. We actually took them out to eat IHOP because my friend and I hadn't eaten dinner yet, after the church service. As I type this, I really miss them and I wish I could've seen them today....

So last night did kind of wear me out. My heart was worn out and that has to do with my emotional personality. I'm still trying to learn how the emotional part of me that God created can be good. Anyways, that's a tangent for another time. I do know this: I needed to be out of my comfort zone. It was hard but good at the same time and I need to do it more often. My friend who wrote the blog post about going out of his comfort zone...he made a list of the things he wanted to do that was out of his comfort zone. I don't really have a list but there is one thing I do want to do that would be similar to last night. So I guess I'll start my list here and add to it later:

1. To go to a gay bar and make friends - God's been putting it on my heart recently that gays are looking for Jesus too. I don't want to wait for them to come to us. It should never be like that. I want to go to them. Hostility, politics, theology aside, they are one of the most unreached people groups in this country...I will be the first to be honest and admit that to go into their territory and turf would be hard for me and a challenge. But I would like to do so sometime in the near future.

2. TBD :)....one hard thing at a time, God. You know what I can handle :).