Workaholic

Now that 4th year is in full swing, I have a lot of free time. A LOT. Usually I get done around noon on weekdays. I have my weekends off too. Part of me is worried I'll lose all that I've learned in the last 3 years before I start residency and then I'll REALLY look stupid and be a bad doctor... But that's really just a minor insecurity. What I've been really thinking lately is that I am a workaholic. Why do I think that? Because...though I have all this free time, I can't seem to really find anything I want to do. Sure, I've been working out/running multiple times per week, I've been reading, I've been playing my keyboard/piano, I've been messing around with my camera and doing photography stuff, I've been cooking here and there, I've been watching movies and tv, I've been going on facebook and buzz to reconnect myself with people before I lose it all again next year, I've been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning over and over again, I've been really trying to become more involved in church and serving the people in my sunday school class or outside of class.....But God's really been closing the doors to that last one lately and I don't know why.

And yet, I still feel restless. I feel as if I don't know what to do with all my free time. As if I have too much free time. I find myself either wanting to go back to work (work like when I'm on a medicine rotation...taking care of patients, etc) or traveling. I find myself really missing the days when I had no time for anything else but work, sleep and eat.

Is this a case of "the grass is greener on the other side"? Or am I really one of those people that has a big potential to become a workaholic? I don't know the answer, but I have a suspicion that I could very easily (just cause I love what I do so much) become a workaholic. I also think that, in my situation, as a single girl with my kind of antisocial/introverted personality, that would be the easy way out for me. Bury myself in work and then I don't have to be alone with my thoughts or just alone in general after I've run out of things to entertain myself. Work can bring me plenty of socialization, people interaction...and don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends in Memphis and in my life right now. And I have been very proactive (and had a better attitude about it for the past 2 years) this year when it comes to friendships and relationships. But it's not like in college where people live 2 floors beneath you or across the hall and you can just go chill when you feel lonely. People all have their own lives, their own priorities...jobs, family. It's so hard to have schedules that line up nowadays. When I have free time, nobody else does. It's times like this that I just want to go back to work. It's not a vacation if I'm by myself all the time and after awhile, I just feel selfish. I'd rather just work...cause to me, it's not really work. I'm serving others and that is what makes me the happiest.