I'm sorry for the delay in blogging recently. I know I said I would blog about "guy-girl friendships/discipling/relationships" and I wanted my next entry to be about that...However, contrary to my expectations, I'm still working on that entry (I have been for a couple of weeks now =P) and it just doesn't seem to want to flow from me. It's partly because my own standards for it are too high...but mostly because it's digging up too many memories and too many unanswered questions for me. To put it bluntly, I have not been able to fully process what I want to write because I have not had the time...and me being the internal processor, nothing goes on this journal before I have at least processed to a point where I am satisfied and can put it in writing. So, I'm sorry to those who were looking forward to that entry...I will post it...just not now.
I guess I'll post a little about CFW. I came away with some physical souvenirs: a severely bruised nose and another broken pair of glasses (yep, so now I've broken a pair of glasses every time I've been to CFW...so that's 3 times)...but i also came away with some closure. I said goodbye to IV ministry (though it's funny how God likes to test me and make sure that I'm sure I know what His will is...cause after I came back I got an email about leading small group for CFW week 4 at Cedar) and therefore, goodbye to Cedar Campus, IV-style of doing things, etc. It was not bittersweet...I was at peace the whole week and I actually REALLY enjoyed being on crew in the kitchen. I've been telling everyone that ever since I've had to cut 6 pounds of every vegetable, my knife skills have improved a WHOLE lot and I really enjoyed serving. It was my last act of washing feet, per say, for IV and the people in the Case chapter...to show them how much I loved them and appreciated what they had done in my life. Though I was upset at not having as much time to actually hang out with the chapter, I did cherish what little time that I did have with the group, and the little time that I did have with people one-on-one....and I actually really enjoyed the time to myself as well. I probably won't be having that kind of get away any time soon...
On a related note to the unanswered questions part of my life I mentioned previously...I have a big question in my life that is unanswered right now and I kinda wanted to vent about it a little. The question is unanswered by God's purpose. He hasn't really answered me or maybe I haven't really been listening to His answer. Either way, I'm waiting...so when I wait, I try not to really think about it. I just let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. Cause if I think about it, it's pointless, draining, and a complete waste of my time, energy, and resources...not to mention it makes me frustrated beyond end. However, what's been REALLY frustrating me lately, is that this question keeps on being brought up by others in my life. THEY want to know the answer to this question in my life and I can't give them an answer! I either 1) make up something, 2)be really vague and hope I've satisfied them so they'll stop pressing, or 3) ignore them...I never choose option #4 which is to be honest and say "I really don't know" because THAT definitely would draw more questions (or make things really awkward). I usually choose 1 or 2...which means I usually end up kinda semi-lying to people. And I've been feeling bad about that. But the truth is, I hate that question right now. I absolutely hate it and yet it's something that people will keep asking me for some time...it's hard enough for me to stop myself from asking the same question, let alone make a hundred of other people stop asking me.
Well, I'm going to stop...I'm falling asleep as I type so it's time to go to bed. Tomorrow is another tiring day =P
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