(a hymn by Thomas Dennis...we used to sing it a lot at KCCC)
Now I comprehend how Jesus could have died from a broken heart (literally and figuratively). Hearts were not created to be broken in the first place. But because of sin, they are. And when it happens, love is broken. And since love is the most powerful emotion in the whole universe, of course it would cause the earth to quake, the skies to darken, and the sun to stop shining. Though he was God, he was fully human…so I’ll bet he experienced what “The pain of searing loss” felt like….what rejection felt like...
Drawing from my personal experience, he must have not only felt loss and rejection, but also felt loneliness, betrayal, sorrow, grief, etc. And yet, His heart still LOVED! I’ve discovered this miracle recently: that a heart can still love after it has been broken…The heart was created to love and so it does!
“Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing”…
Despite all that pain and emotion, his heart still loved…
For me, because I am a sinner, my mind disagrees with my heart when it continues to love in spite of pain. My body has become the veritable battlefield between my heart and my mind.
For the past couple of days, I’ve been experiencing what it feels like to have your heart and your mind totally disagree with each other. And believe me, it is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever experienced. And the result has been bad quality sleep for the past couple of nights….
The heart will do what it was created to do. It is truly hard to tell it to do something else (though the world has perfected this practice)…to tell it to go against its purpose. To forget about love. To not love at all. Our hearts were created to love God and to love others. And love was created to bring together. Not separate.
Words cannot express how grateful I am that God's mind doesn't disagree with His heart...I have yet to discover the key (if there is one) to how one gets to that point, however...
Life is too short to have my mind in a useless struggle against creation...
The heart truly is the wellspring of life (Prov 4:23)…for it is the only thing in our bodies that renders us capable of love. The mind cannot love. You cannot learn love. You cannot convince yourself with logical pathways and mathematical equations or any other contrivance of the mind, to love. How does the heart love and why can’t the mind do it? I don’t know…It’s just how they were created…The mind was created to think. The heart, to love. It’s simple and yet earth-shattering in how it affects our lives...or perhaps everything I wrote it just a bunch of nonsensical ponderings from an exhausted person and it isn't as earth-shattering as I perceive it to be. Whichever it is...I needed to get stuff out and feel out whether these battles recently are because of my own flesh or Satan's attacks. And this has helped me to draw my conclusion.
Hopefully, I will sleep better tonight.
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