This thought occurred to me some time yesterday.
It is finished. I have been asked over the past 1.5 years, to lay down my life little by little...To let go of everything and not be tied down to anything in this world, so God can have His way with me. I have had to let go of the loves of my life: my many many friends in Cleveland, InterVarsity, the city of Cleveland, Scranton Road Bible Church, my relationship, and my planned-out career/future. Everything that I viewed as gain, God has made me let go, one by one for the past year and a half.
I have nothing more to give up: I have laid down my future, laid down my friends, laid down my relationship, laid down my own so-called ministry to students and people. (Side note: Some people might notice that my family is missing in there...but for me personally, I have never had a problem with being too attached to my family. If anything, it's been a problem on the other side...not being attached enough. God is growing me in that area every day).
There is nothing left in my heart that is greater than God now. I have been emptied. Only now, can God have His way with me. I do not have to take into consideration my love for this or my love for that...Now, only my love for God will be taken into consideration. I am, in a sense, free to do His will without any hindrances...That's not to say, of course, that loving the things that I have listed is bad in any way...God blesses us with those things so they are good. However, I did not realize how much they were dictating my life until I had to give them up...until God took them from me. Oh how He gives and takes away!
It is finished...and my body and spirit breathes a sigh of relief. The procedure was painful and trying but after it is over, there is that indescribable feeling of new birth. My major prayer (since who knows when) has been answered...my life is officially consecrated to my God...set apart for His service. And now I wait with eager expectation (after death) for this new life to begin...
Jess,
ReplyDeleteWe just studied this passage yesterday night here at Cedar for Loving God's Story and I was reminded of it when reading your blog. Maybe you should take a look, it's a story I know you've read many times, but sometimes God pulls out new things as our situations change. It's Genesis 22. Hope you're doing well!
-Steph
i just read that passage yesterday morning in my quiet times actually! what stuck out to me is that what God wanted from Abraham was His willingness to sacrifice his son. He didn't actually take his son away from him. Abraham's willingness showed his trust in God and the importance of God above all else in his life. sometimes i am afraid to give things up to God b/c i am afraid that then they actually will be taken away when i really don't want them to be. for example, you're willing to go to TN and leave Cleveland - but that doesn't mean that God's going to take us away from you - we're still here!!! :)
ReplyDeletebut i think that you will be blessed by your obedience in laying down all these things in your life so that God can use you and work through you. i am praying for you!
<3 laura