If I could have any wish right now...anything I wanted before med schools starts...
It would be to see my Cleveland friends one last time and just hang out with them for a night. One last night...a couple of hours with all of us together. Talking about everything and nothing at the same time. One last night for me to connect with them before my life takes a totally different course. This is my last wish before med school.
Of course, my life is already changing...
I feel complete and excited to be walking in His plan for my life right now. And so my eyes always look forward, keeping in mind the present and the future at the same time, never looking backwards except in order to give thanks to God. My life is going to be radically changed from med school and on. Deep down, I know that. A radical vision for my life and my future has been decided by God and is being revealed to me bit by bit since the beginning of this summer. Therefore, because of that, I sense that I will radically change as a person as well. I have already been changing. I would go so far as to say that I am a totally different person inside than I was 3 months ago.
I will walk a very different path (one that is specific to me), struggle with different obstacles, live a very different life from all my friends. Christ is molding me to be more like Him every single day but the result may not be what other people expect or what other people are used to. What Christ has in store for me will be very different from my friends' visions for their lives and dare I go so far as to say, their expectation and hope for my life as well. I know I will surprise people. Family. Friends. People who don't know me at all. And the surprise will be either good or bad for everyone. I will get 2 reactions, just like Jesus. Rejection and disbelief (caused by misunderstanding and confusion), or acceptance and belief. Of course I hope it to be the latter but it is not for me to worry about that. As long as God is with me and I am with God, nothing else matters.
Of course friends will be friends. But I am slowly learning that the deepest bond one shares with friends (something that bonds them across distances, across time and space...bonds them for eternity) is purpose and vision. If they share the same purpose in life and vision for the future, then nothing...absolutely nothing can break their friendship. If they know each other's heart's deepest cries. If they know that, then when something happens to the other or if one friend does something, there needs to be no explanation, no communication. The other friend will automatically understand and accept because he/she knows that person's heart. All things happen for that purpose and vision. No exceptions.
Of course it is easy for people to share dreams and visions and purpose. All college students share a purpose to graduate with a degree. And so they bond in that. However, each student not only has that purpose in their life. In their hearts and minds, they have also established other purposes and visions for their life...there are multiple reasons they do the things that they do. Their hearts chase after many things and so, are divided. I have only one purpose and vision for my life. Only one. And that is to glorify God my Father until His Kingdom comes on earth. Everything I do, I do for that purpose. Studying in med school will not be towards the purpose of graduating and getting my M.D. (contrary to popular belief). It is to glorify my Father. And if it is the will of my Father that I receive an M.D. degree then so be it. If not, then I won't. I will not be disappointed either way. Glorifying my Father is what gives me the most joy.
A lot of people share my vision and purpose but they also have multiple other visions and purposes for the things that they do. Therefore, the bond that I form with them can only be so deep before those other purposes and visions get in the way...and what I mean by "get in the way" is that then they will not be able to understand me and understand my actions...though my actions and my person are quite simple. One purpose. But for some reason, that is hard to comprehend...
I end my journal with this. I do hope people understand what I wrote. I tried to be as clear as possible and my point was not to confuse. If you don't fully understand, then that's ok. Don't try to. Just let it go =)...hopefully (my prayer is), one day, you will.
520 miles isn't _that_ far.
ReplyDeleteIf you can average 30 miles/gallon (which many smaller cars can do in the 55-65mph range), it works out to 17 gallons each way. Assuming about $4/gallon, that's about $70 each way. $140 and 16 hours of driving time. (This, of course, doesn't account for lost wages, food, or impulse purchases of chocolate at truck stops.)
in summary (round trip w/ 30mpg car):
$140 in gas
16 hours of driving
Hey so I just wanted to say Yes and Amen to what you wrote. I couldn't have said it any better myself. For truly this is exactly what is in my heart right now as well and my prayer is the same. May God continue to show you himself and bless you in such an amazing way. As you seek his face he will bless and anoint you to have the courage to step out and do his will even if it is misunderstood by others, b/c God is awesome like that. I love you Jess and know that I agree completely and am praying for you. Hopefully we can talk again soon b/c already things have changed dramatically for me, though I need more time to process it and for the Lord to finish what he is doing.
ReplyDeletehey jess - i'm left a little confused by your post. is the common vision and goal you feel ppl must have in order to have a deep bond in friendship the goal of glorifying God and becoming more like Him? or is it more "calling" specific like medicine, or going overseas or a passion for the inner city? if it is the first one, then yeah i totally agree because someone who is in Christ cannot really have a deep bond with someone who is out of Christ. but if it's the second one i don't think i grasp what your saying/agree. i think if someone is in a deep friendship then their love for one another is so great that they accept the other person's goals and support them whether or not they have the same one. i mean - if you think about a husband and wife - one may have a goal to be a pastor in the inner city, the other may long to be a nurse. but i don't think that means they can't have a deep and meaningful marriage rooted in a deep bond. if ppl share one thing - that is having a relationship with Jesus Christ - then I think they can develop a bond that goes beyond all differences because the commonality of Christ is so much greater.
ReplyDeleteand i'm itchin' to hear about what God's been doing in your life and what you feel He has been changing and leading you in - we definitely can't understand if you don't tell us :)
It's the first one you mention, Laura =). Not the second one.
ReplyDeleteooookay - cuz i think that the way you phrase it might come across as the second one which was why i was so confused and kind of hurt too b/c i was like "oh no, jess doesnt think she can have a deep friendship with us anymore!" hehe - okay, well i'm glad that we got that cleared up. and i want to comfort you that since many of your friends are followers of Christ as well, you shouldn't have to be concerned or worried that they won't understand you or that you will be traveling the journey of following Christ alone - we have community for a reason and I'm sure that you will be able to find many ppl to support you and walk with you along the way (even in Memphis!) we were not made to do this on our own :)
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