As Carrie once wrote in the show “Sex and the City”: “After a breakup, certain streets, locations, even times of day are off limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional land mines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.”
Oh how women are creatures of association! Objects, emotions, actions, feelings, and ourselves are all linked to something else. We see in Genesis how the woman is defined by the man and how we are named by him (Gen. 3:23). It is no wonder that after a woman falls in love, everything (even herself) becomes associated with him. Every restaurant they’ve ever been to as a couple reminds her of him. Every book they’ve ever read together reminds her of him. Everything they’ve ever talked about reminds her of him. Streets they’ve walked on together remind her of him. Now I realize why it is so hard for the woman after a breakup. Associations (linkages in thought) in general are extremely hard to break already…add some emotional component to each association and you’ve got an imagination that is torture to the woman after a breakup. Each image, each action, each word that is associated with him brings up not only a memory of him but also dredges up a wad of emotions as well…No wonder women go crazy and gain 15 pounds (or in my case, lose about 5 lbs).
I want to shut the door to this relationship. I want to close that door, lock it, and throw away the key…And yet, somehow, that door always inches open...or the key is always in the door....That’s why a woman’s heart only has 1 room while a man’s heart can have multiple rooms. It takes her forever to prepare that room…and then when it’s occupied, it’s truly occupied…but when a tenant has left, he leaves without taking anything with him. Scot free. No strings attached. (It does seem like men can get out of a relationship without even saying goodbye. Now I personally haven’t had the chance to do a lot of research about how men feel after a serious break-up [they usually don’t want to talk about it], so do feel free to submit your opinion, guys.) He leaves all that relationship junk behind him…in that room in her heart. So it takes her forever to move out all the junk that he’s left behind…Instead of the usual “oh he took a piece of my heart with him”, it’s more like “he left a huge void in my heart along with all this junk and it will take a long time to clean it up and restore it.” It may take weeks, months, or even years before a new person can move in.
I've heard that the rule of thumb about breakups is that it takes half the length of your relationship to get over someone. So, for example, if your relationship was 1 year, then it would take 6 months for you to get over it...
So I guess the questions that I'm wondering right now are, how long does it take to fall OUT of love and what if you never do? What then?
I know I shouldn't even really be asking these questions and I should concentrate on what God wants me to do in this season...but its hard when the emotions stay with you all day...when, like I said above, they refuse to stay locked up behind that door...
I just wanted to let you know that I prayed for you this morning.
ReplyDeleteI obviously have no insight into the main question of this entry. But I do want to say that I'm pretty sure that guys don't get out w/ no strings attached. At least, emotionally mature and healthy guys do not. I do not think the Lord created men to have no attachments to women... after all Adam called Eve "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh". Surely this wasn't just a statement of the physical reality of Adam's rib being used, but also a spiritual and emotional reality which Adam was keenly aware of.
ReplyDeleteBut I do agree, many guys in our culture tend to deal with this stuff more inwardly or just try to hide it. But that doesn't mean they aren't feeling it after a breakup.
I also am praying for you =)
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ReplyDeleteit hurts for us guys too.
ReplyDeletee-mail me sometime if you want to talk some more or, alternatively, if you just want to vent.
peace,
matt
It is not a question of when, but a question of how. When a close friend passes away, it is inevitable that every single sight reminds you of the person. You can either dwell on the subject or deny the absence, but the fact remains, the friend is gone. You are powerless to control the past, but your future still rests within your hands. Look through the old sights with a new set of eyes and heart. Be comforted that God brought you such happiness at such and such place and time. Rest assured, something better is yet to come.
ReplyDeleteWow. Couldn't be said better than how Bryant said it. I'm so out of words and thoughts, but you're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove you :)