Stages to Grief and other thoughts...

There are many stages to mourning...at least, I feel like I'm cycling through them with each passing day. Each stage may manifest differently in each person so don't generalize this to the entire human population...

There's the sadness of course - feeling the sense of loss in every single way possible. Sometimes I feel like I've gotten over this period and then something touches that sore spot I didn't know still existed, and then bam, it's like water works all over again.
There's denial - which for me, isn't that I deny the fact that it happened, it's more like I suddenly develop a false sense of hope....or there are times when I just block out everything and don't want to think about it, don't want to deal with it. Period.
There's anger - anger at him especially and occasionally anger at God both of which definitely aren't godly. I thought anger only manifested when people had regrets...I don't have regrets and yet I feel anger. Especially when I ask the question, Why....So I've just taken to not even going near that question...This one is the one I have the hardest controlling (hah, my anger-management issues) because I have no idea how to resolve these feelings without an explosion or bottling them up inside. I can only pray for deliverance and forgiveness in this case...Because unresolved anger turns into bitterness...which turns into not healing and baggage. Ah, the dreaded b-word when it comes to relationships...
There's depression - Thank God He has not allowed this one to take over me this time. Sometimes there will be a random thought here and there but nothing that God-given strength in me can't handle...which is a good sign of growth for me.
There's also fear - fear of the future...because changes like this are downright scary. And this is the one that I'm also afraid (ha, so funny...I fear Fear) will have more long term consequences...

I find that humor is my way to deal with these kinds things...to be able to make something light when it was meant to be heavy. In a sense, to make other people feel more comfortable and in another, to help me keep my mind off of the heaviness of it all.

And I never knew that there were different types of loneliness...loneliness that is spawned from a desire for something you haven't experienced is different from the loneliness that comes from missing something.

Transitions...That hit me today...I have so many coming up and I fear them. A lot.
Moving to Memphis. Starting med school. Making new friends. Finding a roommate.
So many transitions and changes that I'm overwhelmed just thinking about it. I don't possess the confidence to transition well into any of those things...