Psalm 116

Psalm 116
1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the LORD : "O LORD, save me!"
5 The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
6 The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
10 I believed; therefore I said, "I am greatly afflicted."
11 And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars."
12 How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?
13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.
15 Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
16 O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant ; you have freed me from my chains.
17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—in your midst, O Jerusalem. Hallelujah.

You know what 2 words are/were the hardest to say (and mean it) in my entire life? "Yes, Lord". Of course, as I continue in this faith journey, my hope is that they will get easier and easier...But I was humbled again by Pastor Joe's sermon on Sunday. I still have much to learn about being single, about being in a relationship, and about God's heart (for me and for this world).

There are so many things from this past 1.5 years to which I have had to say those 2 words, "Yes, Lord."
Med school. UT-Memphis. Relationship.
It's felt like one thing after another without even a chance to catch my breath in between. The cycle: pray, struggle, submit, repeat, etc. So now, I'm just tired...and yet the surgeon keeps on cutting...
In my times of weakness, I plead with God to let me catch my breath...asking Him, when the surgery will be over. In my times of weakness, I want to sit down where I am and refuse to budge. And yet, each time, His love gently and patiently nudges me on...

By His grace, He’s sped up the current grieving process for me.

By His grace, I'm still alive right now.

By His grace, I have such wonderful friends that are willing to walk with me through the lowest valley I've ever been through...even if that means hanging out with me for exorbitant amounts of time...I'm actually quite surprised they're not sick of me yet =P

By His grace, He has given me work to do while I'm here.

By His grace, I have a (bright and exciting) future.

By His grace, I can still love, still hope, still endure, and still persevere though I am weak and hurting.

His faithfulness (despite my ungodliness and ugliness) and the power of it amazes me...v.12 "How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?"